Is your toddler ready to take turns and share?

Turn-taking and sharing are tricky, and children are often asked to do both long before they’re ready. It’s easy to say, “Please share with your friend,” but at age 2—even 3 or 4—your child may not have the cognitive and social-emotional skills to part with a favorite toy.

Understanding how turn-taking and sharing develop can help you manage your expectations and offer your child the right support at the right time.

What’s the difference between taking turns and sharing?

Learning to take turns

Taking turns is an early form of sharing and generally easier for young children. But it can still feel confusing and unpredictable at times: What are the rules? Why do we take turns with certain objects and not others? 

Taking turns on a playground slide may make more sense to a 2-year-old, since each turn has a clear beginning and end. On the other hand, taking turns with a truck may be a challenge because it’s a more open-ended activity. 

Children may be cognitively ready to start taking turns around age 2, but they almost always need a lot of adult guidance. Two-year-olds are just beginning to develop “theory of mind”—an understanding that other people have different thoughts and feelings than their own. They aren’t yet capable of seeing things from another person’s perspective, which is a foundational skill for both taking turns and sharing. 

When does sharing begin?

Sharing is more complex than turn-taking and an even harder concept to understand because it can mean different things in different situations. For example, sharing a cookie means giving part of it up for good, while allowing a friend to sit with you in your favorite chair means experiencing it together.

Research shows that 2-year-olds are capable of sharing, but typically only do so when asked by an adult or when they’re truly finished with something. Even then, they may struggle to share more often than not. Sharing without adult encouragement often doesn’t start until age 4 or after.

How can you help your child learn to take turns?

• Anticipate challenges. Taking turns with a favorite toy or lovey may be a lot to ask from your toddler. Before a playdate, allow your 2-year-old to select a few special things to put away. If you happen to have multiples of some toys, make them available so there’s less pressure to take turns. 
• Narrate and preview. If your child and their playmate both want to use the same toy, narrate the situation and explain what will happen next: “You’re playing with the truck now. When you’re done, it will be Maria’s turn, and she’ll get to play with it for a while.” 
• Set a visual timer. Help each child understand when their turn begins and ends. A sand timer works particularly well. You can say, “When all the sand is at the bottom, it will be Maria’s turn. When she’s done, you can have another turn.” The Countdown Color Timer in The Researcher Play Kit for months 31 to 33 is also a great tool for this.

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The Researcher Play Kit (Months 31-33)

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Learn more about the research

Brownell, C. A., Svetlova, M., & Nichols, S. (2009). To share or not to share: When do toddlers respond to another’s needs?. Infancy, 14(1), 117-130.

Vonk, J., Jett, S. E., Tomeny, T. S., Mercer, S. H., & Cwikla, J. (2020). Young children’s theory of mind predicts more sharing with friends over time. Child Development, 91(1), 63-77.

Wu, Z., & Su, Y. (2014). How do preschoolers’ sharing behaviors relate to their theory of mind understanding?. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 120, 73-86.