What does it mean when your baby prefers one parent?
At 4 months, your baby may start to show a clear preference for one parent or caregiver. They can now identify close caregivers by smell, sight, and sound, and may want to be with the person who attends to them most closely.
This behavior is very common, but it can be hard on all involved. If you’re the preferred parent, you may feel overwhelmed, while your partner feels helpless and unable to offer comfort and support.
No matter who they prefer and how long the phase lasts, take heart that your baby will form a healthy attachment with all the loving adults in their life ❤️
Tips on how to handle parental preference
Remember that it isn’t personal. If your baby cries as soon as you hold them and is only soothed when you return them to your partner, it can feel like a slight. Your baby isn’t doing it on purpose—they don’t have any sense of the impact their preference can have.
Give your baby some warmup time. When you’re gone all day, you may want to come home and pick up your baby right away. Try to take a moment to read their cues—if they’re smiling and looking at you, they’re likely ready to be held. If they look away or don’t offer a smile, give them some time—sit near them while they’re still being held, talk to them softly, and only take them after a little time has passed.
Make sure both of you spend one-on-one time with your baby. Try to plan some regular time for the non-preferred parent to have alone time with your baby. Routines like bath time work well. If you’re the preferred caregiver, it’s best to stay out of sight and far enough away that your baby doesn’t know you’re nearby as their sense of smell is strong.
Allow room for discomfort. It’s okay for your baby to experience sadness over not being with one caregiver. Part of healthy attachment is your baby learning that they can be soothed by multiple people, and that people who leave are going to come back. If your baby doesn’t take a bottle from you, for example, it can create some logistical struggles, but it doesn’t mean anything is wrong—it just means that’s not something you do together at the moment.
Know that it’s a phase. It may take days, weeks, or months, but at some point, your baby’s strong preference for one caregiver over another will soften or pass. Preference can be fickle, especially as separation and stranger anxieties present themselves. This kind of behavior often ebbs and flows, and is part of every baby’s healthy social-emotional development.
Posted in: 3 - 4 Months, 0 - 12 Months, Bonding, Behavior, Managing Emotions, Parent & Family Life
Keep reading
0 - 3 Months
0 - 12 Weeks
3 - 4 Months
How the Look at Me Ladybug supports your baby’s visual tracking and tummy time
The Look at Me Ladybug engages newborns with gentle sound and motion, supporting early visual and auditory tracking. Its high-contrast design captures developing eyesight, while repeated ramp play encourages head lifting during tummy time. As babies grow, it helps strengthen coordination, build neck muscles, and lay the foundation for future learning and movement skills.
12 - 48 Months
0 - 12 Weeks
3 - 4 Months
5 - 6 Months
7 - 8 Months
9 - 10 Months
11 - 12 Months
Investments that age up: These everyday essentials grow with your child
The Stokke Tripp Trapp® Chair and The Play Kits are investments that will offer years of playtime and mealtime fun.
12 - 48 Months
0 - 12 Weeks
3 - 4 Months
5 - 6 Months
7 - 8 Months
9 - 10 Months
11 - 12 Months
All the ways to get Lovevery books
Lovevery books are beloved by millions of families for good reason: They’re stage-based and written to be fascinating to your child right now, and stay interesting as your child grows.