“How can I get my toddler to play independently?”

Parents ask:

“Any time I stop playing with my 18-month-old, he cries and wants to be picked up. It’s impossible to get anything else done. How do I help him learn to play more independently?” 

Lovevery experts answer:

Feeling like you need to be “on” all the time can be so exhausting—and it may not be the best thing for your child, either. Independent play is a really important skill for children to learn, and you’re wise to think about it now. This is how your toddler develops their own interests, makes new discoveries, and practices problem-solving. At this stage, your child may only be capable of a few minutes at a time, but eventually, they’ll build their stamina so you can get that much-needed break ❤️ 

Here are some tips to encourage independent play in your 18-month-old:

Start by staying close and observing quietly

At this age, independent play is a bit of a misleading term, because your child is still dependent on you. At 18 months, they can gradually work up to several minutes of independent play, but you’ll want to stay close. Sitting quietly next to your child and observing them is a great first step. Right now, it sounds like they need the comfort of knowing you’re right by their side.

Gradually move further away

Once your child seems comfortable playing without your direct involvement, you can try adding a little distance. Sit on the floor just a few feet away from them to start. The next time, you could move to a seat across the room. Explain what you’re doing and offer some reassurance: “I see you! I’m going to sit on the chair for a minute or two. I am right here!” Knowing that you’re still close may help them turn more attention to their toys.

Put out a few “just the right challenge” toys

Limiting their choices can help them focus on a toy and encourage them to go deeper with their play. Offering them playthings and activities that are just right for their stage will increase the likelihood that they stick with the toys for longer periods of time.

Keep quiet and offer help when needed

Whenever your child is playing independently with a toy, try not to interrupt. If they glance up to make sure you’re still there, give them a reassuring smile and see if they’ll go back to playing on their own. If your child gets stuck or wants help, you can offer a little encouragement or show them the next step, then return to watching quietly.

Here’s what else experts want parents to know about independent play.

1. Independent play may not last long at this age

As your child gets older, they’ll be able to play independently for longer stretches. But for the next few years, these periods may be quite short because their attention span is still developing. Independent play can last up to 4 minutes at ages 1 and 2. Three-year-olds may be able to play without direct adult involvement for up to 8 minutes and 4-year-olds for up to 10 minutes or more. Of course, this can vary from child to child and from day to day. If they’re particularly interested in a toy or activity, they’re more likely to stick with it. They also may struggle more when they’re hungry, tired, sick, teething, or experiencing a life change.

2. Even short sessions can make a difference

Developing independent play habits is a process. At this stage, you may only have time to brush your teeth or read a page or two of a book. But even a brief time playing independently can build your child’s stamina and help them work toward longer sessions. Whenever your child does play independently, try not to interrupt. If they glance up to make sure you’re still there, give them a reassuring smile and see if they go back to playing. 

3. Separation anxiety can cause a (temporary) setback

If your child frequently cries and wants to be picked up, they may be experiencing separation anxiety, which is common for babies and toddlers. The best thing to do is stay close and comfort them whenever they need it ❤️ It’s natural to worry that picking them up will perpetuate this behavior, but being a steady, secure base can help your child build the confidence to start doing more on their own. 

4. Young children, especially those under age 3, still require supervision.

For now, it’s important to stay in the same room as your child, so you can keep a close eye on them and respond to their needs and cues. At some point, you may want to create a “yes” space—an enclosed, fully childproofed area designated where they can play without getting hurt or being told “no.”

Meet the Lovevery experts who answered this question

Sarah Piel, MSEd

Sarah Piel is a certified special education teacher and child development expert. For over 15 years she has worked with children from birth to age 5 to support social, emotional, cognitive, and language learning.

Gabrielle Felman, MSED, LCSW

Gabrielle Felman, founder of Felman Early Childhood Consulting, works with children from birth to age 7 to support social, emotional, and cognitive learning.

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