2-year-olds can be demanding. Here’s how to respond.

It can be hard to know what to do when your toddler will only wear their choo-choo pajamas or drink out of their green cup. If you give in to their demand—especially when they use a rude tone—you may worry about reinforcing a challenging behavior. Are you? There’s no one right answer—and it sometimes depends on the situation. 

Decide what situations are flexible—and which aren’t. It’s important to consider which requests are negotiable (like what cup they drink out of) and which are firm (like sitting down for dinner). These decisions are largely up to you and may differ from other families. Whatever you decide, be consistent. 

Model how to express opinions politely. Your toddler isn’t being intentionally impolite—they still have a lot to learn about how their words and actions make others feel. As their language and perspective-taking skills develop, they’ll learn more acceptable ways to communicate. For now, if your child demands their green cup after you’ve handed them a blue one, it’s okay to switch out the cup. Simply model the appropriate language: “I want the green cup, please.”

Show your child how to be adaptable. The best way for them to learn is by watching you. Let them see how you pivot when faced with disappointment. You might say, “I really wanted to drink coffee with breakfast! We’re all out. I’ll try some tea, instead.”

When they can’t have what they want? Start with validation, but hold the boundary: “You really want to eat mac and cheese. I hear you, but Grandma made lasagna.” You can try offering your child a different choice: “We’re having lasagna to eat. What would you like to drink—milk or water?” Big emotions may follow, and that’s okay. 

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