Your 2-year-old wants to help—here’s how to encourage them

Does your 2-year-old love to help set the table or take laundry out of the dryer? Up until now, they were likely driven by a desire to imitate you or accomplish a task on their own. But research shows that around 2 years of age, your child may start to pick up on another person’s feelings and want to help out of empathy—for example, they may offer a jacket to someone who is shivering or says they’re cold. This is an important shift that signals your child’s growing ability to notice and respond to the needs of others.

3 ways to encourage your child’s empathetic helping

1. Bring their attention to the needs and feelings of others

You might say, “It looks like your sister can’t reach her jacket, should we ask if we can be a helper?” or “Kitten’s water bowl is empty. Let’s fill it up for her.” Research suggests that doing this frequently helps children develop perspective taking—the ability to see the world through another’s eyes. 

2. Acknowledge when they do a good deed

Thank them and explain how their helpful actions make an impact. For example, you could say, “Thank you so much for picking up the glasses I dropped. I can see better now.” Or, “You gave your baby brother his pacifier when he was sad. That made him feel better! Thank you.”

3. Adjust your expectations for what “helpful” looks like

Your 2-year-old’s task assistance may not always be useful—when they try to water a plant, the floor might get wet. Their attempts at empathetic helping will likely encounter similar hiccups. For example, if you’re sick, they may bring you their favorite stuffy to cuddle. Smile and thank them anyway ❤️

Learn more about the research

Bryan, C. J., Master, A., & Walton, G. M. (2014). “Helping” versus “being a helper”: Invoking the self to increase helping in young children. Child Development, 85(5), 1836-1842.

Ruffman, T., Slade, L., Devitt, K., & Crowe, E. (2006). What mothers say and what they do: The relation between parenting, theory of mind, language and conflict/cooperation. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 24(1), 105-124.

Svetlova, M., Nichols, S. R., & Brownell, C. A. (2010). Toddlers’ prosocial behavior: from instrumental to empathic to altruistic helping. Child Development, 81(6), 1814–1827. 

Warneken, F., & Tomasello, M. (2008). Extrinsic rewards undermine altruistic tendencies in 20-month-olds. Developmental Psychology, 44(6), 1785.

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