What to do when your child hits someone else
According to a Lovevery poll, 83 percent of parents say their child has hit, kicked, or bit them, and about 60 percent said their toddler had hit, kicked, or bit someone else.
It’s important to know that hitting isn’t a reflection of a child’s character at this early stage. Many young children do it because they can’t yet regulate their emotions or explain how they feel.
Your child will need guidance and a lot of practice to develop the emotional skills to prevent hitting. Here are a few ways to help them learn.
Set a clear boundary about hitting
Clear boundaries can help children understand what’s expected and keep them from hurting themselves and others. You can firmly and calmly state the boundary by saying something like: “I can understand why you’re so upset, but I won’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.” You may also gently hold your child’s hands to prevent them from continuing to hit.
Help them name their emotions
Naming their emotions helps children understand the “what” and “why” of their overwhelming feelings: “You were mad because Anna took your toy? Is that what happened?” The Emotion Match Mirror & Cards Set from The Enthusiast Play Kit can be a helpful tool for showing your child what “mad” looks like. Over time, they’ll learn to communicate their emotions with words rather than hitting.
“It’s important to remember, kids are going to get mad. All humans get angry. What we want is for them to handle it responsibly. And that starts with being able to put it in words so they don’t have to act on it.”
Psychologist and parenting coach Dr. Laura Markham on The Lovevery Podcast
Suggest alternative actions
Help your child understand what they can do, not just what they can’t do, when they’re upset. Offer ideas for specific words and actions: “Next time, if someone tries to take your toy, you can use words like, ‘Stop’ or ‘No,’ instead of hitting. You can also ask me for help.”
Avoid taking sides
It’s natural to want to assign blame or only comfort the child who was hit. But try to stay neutral and focus on helping both children calm down. If your child was the hitter, they may be feeling angry or frustrated. You can offer them a big bear hug and give them words to express their feelings.
Check on the child who was hit
After your child has calmed down, encourage them to go with you to check on their friend. Although young children can’t yet completely understand the feelings of others, the process of discussing how another person feels can help them begin to make these connections. Encouraging your child to make amends may also help repair the relationship—so they can both move forward feeling a little bit better.
More expert advice
In this episode of our podcast “My New Life” CEO Jessica Rolph talks with Dr. Laura Markham of Peaceful Parenting about dealing with tantrums.
Peaceful Parenting: Dealing with Tantrums – My New Life
Stage-Based Guidance
Kicking, biting, and hitting: Here’s what to know about understanding and responding to your toddler when big emotions come out in physical reactions.
The Lovevery App
Download our app to get free answers to your parenting questions. Send a quick note in the Ask & Learn tab, and you’ll hear from a Lovevery child development expert within 72 hours.
About Lovevery: Stage-based play for your child’s developing brain
Wouldn’t it be nice if parenthood came with an instruction manual? Our award-winning Play Kits support your child’s growth and development at every stage with expert-designed playthings for ages 0 to 5. The Play Kits are paired with an app and parent guide that offer week-by-week and toy-by-toy guidance.
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