Why talking about feelings matters so much at age 2—and how to do it

“You’re upset that I peeled your banana.”
“You’re frustrated that you can’t get your socks on.”
“You’re mad that we can’t go outside right now.” 

Why do so many parenting experts say to label your child’s emotions? Decades of research shows this simple strategy is key to helping children learn to manage their feelings and develop empathy. 

What happens in the brain when you talk about emotions?

The right side of their brain is activated whenever they feel frustrated or scared or excited. Labeling your child’s emotions as they experience them also engages the left side of their brain, where language is produced and processed. 

This creates communication between the two sides of the brain across a band called the corpus callosum—and like all other areas of the brain, the more it gets used, the stronger it gets. As your child’s language skills grow, talking about emotions helps their brain process and manage their feelings.

3 ways to talk about feelings with your toddler

1. Use a mirror to practice emotion words and faces. Encourage your toddler to look in the mirror of the Emotion Match Set, make a facial expression, and explain what face they’re making: “Surprised!” Doing all three of these things—seeing, imitating, and naming—is likely to engage multiple areas of the brain and get both the right and left sides communicating. 

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2. Tune into your child’s brand new set of feelings. Research shows that, at age 2, children start to experience self-conscious emotions related to how they perceive themselves or how they’re perceived by others. When your toddler accomplishes something, like putting on their shoes by themselves, give them a moment to feel a sense of pride before pointing it out. Then, celebrate with them and identify the feeling: “Wow, you did that all on your own! You look so proud of yourself.” If they can’t get their shoes on, they may feel embarrassment, guilt, or shame. Try to focus your response on the effort: “You tried to get your shoes on yourself, but the strap is a bit tricky. Let’s do it together.” 

Talk about the feelings of their favorite book characters. A study of 2- and 3-year-olds showed that regularly talking with children about the feelings of characters in a book boosted emotional understanding and empathy skills. For example: When you’re reading “Max and Nana Go to the Park” from The Adventurer Play Kit, you might say: “Oh no! Max fell down. How do you think he feels? How can you tell?” Then ask, “What might make him feel better?”

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Learn more about the research:

Brownell, C. A., Svetlova, M., Anderson, R., Nichols, S. R., & Drummond, J. (2013). Socialization of early prosocial behavior: Parents’ talk about emotions is associated with sharing and helping in toddlers. Infancy, 18(1), 91-119.

Grazzani, I., Ornaghi, V., Agliati, A., & Brazzelli, E. (2016). How to foster toddlers’ mental‐state talk, emotion understanding, and prosocial behavior: A conversation‐based intervention at nursery school. Infancy, 21(2), 199-227.