Separation anxiety at age 2: what it looks like and how to respond

Yesterday, your child ran away from you at daycare pick-up. At today’s drop-off, they’re clinging and crying, unwilling to let you go. While these reactions may seem contradictory, they reflect two related developmental needs: Your 2-year-old is eager to venture out and explore in new ways and they need the security of knowing that you’re there. 

This phase of separation anxiety can be really hard, but it won’t last forever. By age 3, most children are having an easier time, though reoccurrences may happen with big changes at home or childcare. 

How separation anxiety is different now

Separation challenges are common at age 2 and tend to look a little different from the baby stage. At times, they cling and cry just like an 8-month-old, but at others, they may push you away or use delay tactics. For example, at bedtime, they may keep asking for one more book or call you back into their room after you’ve said goodnight.
Your 2-year-old’s growing vocabulary—”Mama, don’t go!”—may make things harder at times, but it can also help because they understand more of what you say. Validating their feelings can go a long way: “You really don’t want me to leave your room. I hear you. I’m going to be so excited to see you when you wake up.”  

3 simple tips to ease your toddler’s anxiety

1. Acknowledge disruptions to your daily routines—even if they seem small

Knowing what to expect is powerful for young children. If their typical routine is disrupted, name it for your child: “You usually climb into your own car seat, but I put you in today. That was frustrating.” Reassure them about the rest of the routine: “Let’s remember what happens next. I’ll unbuckle you and you’ll climb down. We’ll say hello to Miss Susan when we get to school. And Miss Susan will hold you as we wave goodbye!” 

2. Point out similarities to their other caregivers

Feeling close to their other caregivers will help your child feel safe when they aren’t with you: “Miss Susan has a cat just like we do!” or “Grandma likes to eat oatmeal for breakfast. You love oatmeal, too!!” 

3. Give them something to remind them of you

Give a special stuffed animal or lovey extra hugs and kisses before you say goodbye to your child. Then tell them, “Now, if you feel like you need a hug from me while I’m gone, your bear has extras to give you” ❤️

Learn more about the research

Ahnert, L., Pinquart, M., & Lamb, M. E. (2006). Security of children’s relationships with nonparental care providers: A meta‐analysis. Child development, 77(3), 664-679.

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