What’s your toddler’s temperament—and how much does it matter?

Is your toddler the life of the party at family gatherings or do they get overwhelmed and cling to you? Do they usually like to sit quietly and do a puzzle or prefer to run around outside? These are aspects of temperament—characteristics that appear within days of birth and may be becoming more clear at age 2. 

What exactly is temperament?

Temperament is biologically based—some people are wired to be quiet and cautious while others are talkative and outgoing. Some are more emotionally sensitive while others are easygoing. Researchers break temperament down into these four categories:

1. Activity level: A tendency to be physically active 

2. Attention and regulation: A tendency to focus or to shift quickly from one thing to another

3. Emotion reactivity: A tendency to have sudden emotional outbursts or rarely react with strong emotions; a tendency to get over big feelings quickly or to let them simmer 

4. Reaction to novelty: A tendency to approach new situations or people with enthusiasm, or withdraw from new situations and people

Temperamental characteristics are like ingredients, not a recipe

How your toddler behaves in one moment or one phase doesn’t necessarily reflect the type of person they’ll ultimately be. In fact, temperament traits are expressed differently at various developmental stages—and sometimes a temperament trait can look different in a new context. For example, what appears as “shyness” in a 2-year-old could reflect an age-typical surge in stranger anxiety. Or “stubbornness” in a toddler can be a useful and valued skill—persistence—once they get to school. 

Talk about temperament as a state, not a trait

Temperament is a foundational piece of who your child is—but nurturing relationships and life experiences also play a role in determining their personality. 

When a child hears, over and over, that they are “picky” or “never stop moving,” those characteristics can become part of their developing sense of self. Turning temperament traits into labels can inadvertently pigeonhole children into certain ways of behaving. Instead, focus on what your child is doing or needs at the moment. “Wow, your body has so much energy right now!” or “Are you feeling calm? Your body looks really relaxed.” Describing your child’s current state can help them see themselves as growing and learning, rather than settled into one way of being.

Explore The Play Kits

The Play Kits

Unlock your child’s potential with our expertly designed toys from The Play Kits.

Learn more

Learn more about the research

Klein, M. R., Lengua, L. J., Thompson, S. F., Moran, L., Ruberry, E. J., Kiff, C., & Zalewski, M. (2018). Bidirectional relations between temperament and parenting predicting preschool-age children’s adjustment. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 47(sup1), S113-S126.

Slagt, M., Dubas, J. S., Deković, M., & van Aken, M. A. (2016). Differences in sensitivity to parenting depending on child temperament: A meta-analysis. Psychological bulletin, 142(10), 1068.

Van Den Akker, A. L., Deković, M., Prinzie, P., & Asscher, J. J. (2010). Toddlers’ temperament profiles: Stability and relations to negative and positive parenting. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 38, 485-495.