Raising a child who cares for the feelings of others is a goal for most parents. Humans are naturally wired to tune into the emotions of those around them, but your child will need some time and guidance from you to develop empathy. Here’s when you can expect this social skill to emerge and how to support it.

In this article: 

• What is empathy?
• How and when does empathy develop in children?
• Why is empathy important?
• How can I help my child develop empathy?
• Developmental concerns with empathy

What is empathy?

Empathy is your child’s ability to understand another person’s emotional experience and show compassion for them. This key social-emotional skill develops in childhood and can influence how your child interacts with other people, both now and later in life.

How and when does empathy develop in children?

If your baby has ever started to cry after hearing or seeing another child cry, they’ve shown the earliest precursor to empathy. Here’s a typical stage-by-stage progression of how this skill develops:

Empathy in babies—newborn to age 1

Even newborn babies get distressed or cry when people around them are upset. While this isn’t empathy as adults experience it, it is a reflection of how human brains are inclined to respond to emotions. 

Crying in response to someone else crying is sometimes called emotional contagion or affective empathy. Researchers believe this reactive crying happens in young children because they can’t yet differentiate themselves from others. When they see or hear another child cry, they feel distressed by it, even though they may not understand the other child’s feelings. 

Empathy in toddlers—age 1 to 3

As your child grows into toddlerhood, they may begin to show more signs of empathetic concern for others. By around 19 to 24 months of age, they may pause or look sad or concerned when another person seems upset or is crying. Your 2-year-old may even try to comfort a peer who is sad by giving them a hug. 

At this stage, though, most toddlers haven’t yet developed the ability to demonstrate true empathy for others. Instead, you may see your child imitating the comforting behaviors they’ve experienced. They might bring their favorite toy to a friend to comfort them, for instance, rather than the friend’s favorite toy ❤️ 

By the time your child is around 24 to 36 months of age, they begin to understand that they are a distinct person from people around them. This new sense of self is key to the development of empathy. Once it happens, your child is on the path to what researchers call cognitive empathy.

Cognitive empathy is your child’s ability to imagine and understand the emotions of others—rather than imitating empathetic behaviors they’ve seen or becoming upset in response to other people’s distress. Research suggests that young children are most likely to show empathy through their actions. If you say, “Look, your friend Sara is crying. I think she’s sad,” they may give their playmate a hug. As your child continues to read social cues and gain more understanding of the emotions and needs of others, they’re more likely to come to a friend’s aid independently.

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Empathy in preschoolers and young children—age 4 and up

As your child reaches preschool age, they begin to understand that other people can have different experiences and emotions. This capability, called perspective taking or theory of mind, is the reason a new type of empathy becomes possible at this stage. Research indicates that starting between the ages of 4 and 5, children are generally able to understand the thoughts and feelings of another person more easily. 

Of course, this is still an early step in the long process of learning to feel empathetic toward others. Some research suggests that perspective taking may still be developing in adolescence.  

Why is empathy important?

Understanding the feelings of others and being able to respond with compassion makes relationships stronger. Research suggests that children who are more empathetic tend to have more positive interactions and more satisfying relationships with friends and family.

In general, children who are more empathetic get along better with peers and are more likely to help others. Not surprisingly, some studies indicate that these social skills may also impact school experiences. Children who are better able to form strong relationships with peers and teachers may find it easier to do well in school.

How can I help my child develop empathy?

From your baby’s first days at home, your interactions help lay the foundation for their emotional development, including empathy. Here are a few ways you can help your child develop empathy at each stage:

Respond to your baby’s emotions

Consistently and sensitively attending to your baby’s needs helps them know that their feelings matter. As you show empathy for their emotions, you help to establish what child development experts call synchrony with your baby, a harmonious emotional and behavioral mirroring  between the two of you. These early moments of bonding and attunement help your baby learn about human emotions in the context of a safe, trusting relationship. Research suggests that children whose parents established early synchrony tend to have higher levels of empathy, even later during their teen years.

Introduce emotional language early

You probably know how valuable it is to read books to your baby. In addition to building early literacy skills, books can teach them about emotions. Sharing simple board books with images of various facial expressions is a great way to help your baby learn about the feelings of others. As you read books like How I Feel, say the word for the emotion expressed on each face. As your baby starts to learn language, these words will form the basis of their emotional vocabulary. Having the skills to describe feelings is your child’s first step toward understanding other people’s emotions. In daily life, you can link these emotion words to your baby’s lived experiences. Hypothesize what your baby may be feeling when they get upset, “Oh, you are so frustrated! I’m taking too long to get your bottle ready.”

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Discuss and label emotions

Your child will learn a lot about feelings during their toddler and preschool years. To support this, you can talk openly about emotions and show curiosity about how other people feel. 

You can even use times when your child expresses an emotion by acting out (like pushing or hitting) to discuss how they and other children feel. For example, if your child pushes another child during playtime, you could suggest, “You were worried Marcus was too close to your body. Ouch. Pushing hurts. Look at Marcus’ face. He did not like it when you pushed.” Even during the toddler years, these experiences can open the door to building empathy skills with language like, “I wonder what we can do to make him feel better? Let’s get him some ice.”

If you see a child crying at the playground, you might ask your own child, “Why do you think that boy is crying? Did he fall and hurt his leg?” You can also offer a reminder of a time when your child experienced a similar feeling: “Remember when you fell at preschool and hurt your arm? That’s how he feels right now.” Research suggests that discussions like this can help children make sense of other people’s emotions and build a foundation for empathy.

Encourage practicing what feelings look like

Once your 2.5-year-old has some understanding of emotions and emotion words, you can introduce activities like the Emotion Match Mirror & Cards Set. Using the mirror and photos, your child can see firsthand how faces—their own and those of other children—express feelings of happiness, playfulness, sadness, anger, surprise, and disgust. 

Your 3-year-old can build on their recognition of emotional cues with the Emotion Book Set and Wooden Emotion Dolls. Seeing the photos, hearing the stories, and acting them out through pretend play helps your child attach meaning to nonverbal emotional expressions.

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Use other books as prompts

Open a discussion about emotions as you read a story with your child. Real-life characters, like the ones featured in Lovevery books, allow your child to explore a range of feelings and situations. During story time, you can ask your child questions to help them empathize with the characters:

• “Max looks like he really got hurt there. What would you do if you were there at the park with him? How could we make him feel better?”
• “Bea is afraid of getting a shot from the doctor. Have you ever felt afraid of something? How does your face look when you’re scared?”
• “Graham is really excited that his friends are coming over to celebrate his birthday. Let’s talk about your birthday, it’s only 9 months away 😉 Are you feeling excited about it?” 

Model empathy

You’re probably aware that your child closely observes everything you do 🙃 This is why your behavior can be a powerful tool for learning about other people’s feelings and how to respond with care. When your child has experienced your sensitive attention to their emotions and seen you empathize with others, they have a model to imitate when it’s time for them to show empathy to someone else. 

It isn’t always easy to empathize with your child during highly emotional moments. Your toddler or preschooler may have strong emotional reactions to seemingly small things, like getting the “wrong” color cup at mealtime. Try to be mindful that their emotions are meaningful to them, even if their reaction seems out of proportion. It may sound counterintuitive, but validating their emotions may help your child calm down.

Another way to demonstrate empathy for your child is to join in their play and show them how to empathize with their stuffies or dolls. You might take turns pretending to wash their baby doll as if it were a real baby. Make believe that a bit of water gets in the doll’s eyes as you wash its hair. When the baby “cries,” model how to respond: “Oh, the baby is sad. What should we do?” Show your child how to wipe the doll’s eyes and give it a comforting hug. Next time, your child might have their own ideas for consoling the baby.

Encourage your child to make believe

Research suggests that children who frequently engage in pretend play tend to have a better understanding of emotions than children who don’t. When your child pretends to be another person, they get to see things from that person’s perspective and gain insight into how they feel. Dolls and puppets offer similar opportunities to act out social interactions. The Storytelling Puppet Set With Changing Emotion Eyes even allows your child to change the puppets’ eyes to express various feelings. 

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Role-play with your child

Taking on different roles with your almost 4-year-old can help them practice showing empathy in different social situations. When playing the Show, Tell & Think Empathy Game, you and your child take turns acting out scenarios, talking about emotions, and discussing tricky social situations. For example, if your friend who usually shares their playthings with you didn’t today, how can you respond? How can you show empathy when your friend is hurt or feeling upset? Role-playing games like this can help your child learn more about the emotions of others and practice responding with empathy.

Developmental concerns with empathy

Like many social-emotional skills, empathy continues to develop throughout childhood and into adolescence. Your child will likely begin to develop empathy in their early years but may not consistently respond empathetically in every situation. Signs that they’re developing empathy can include: 

• Noticing when another person is upset or hurt 
• Looking at your reaction to determine how they should react in an uncertain situation (social referencing)
• Comforting a peer who is upset or crying 

If your child doesn’t show signs of understanding other people’s feelings or recognize and respond to emotional cues by age 4, discuss this with their pediatrician.

Additional reading

• Yes, 2-year-olds are capable of empathy—here’s how to encourage the essential skill
• Teaching empathy: games, books, and activities for preschoolers
• PODCAST: The importance of empathy